missing my stunning purple bat bow tie :'(

as the clock struck midnight on the 1st and confetti rained down (or was it up?) on me, i was in the middle of a cuddle puddle with people i didn’t really know. i was at the amanda palmer show, at terminal 5 in nyc, with tristan. she graciously put us on the guest list, and we trooped up to the vip area with a bunch of other members of the “cloud club,” the building where tristan lives. i’ve met so many new people in the past 48 hours i’m not quite sure where one person ends and the next begins, but they were all very kind to me.

it’s a very strange feeling to be around so many artists. i can’t really articulate the absence of creativity i feel around them, but it feels sort of that i’ve lost something i didn’t ever have. where they have muchness, i have a very strong vagueness. i’m not upset about it…they accepted me in my casual boringness as they accept everyone else. the cloud club collects stray people like cats and fosters them into these great big rainbow people and it’s beautiful and all that but i don’t necessarily belong there.

i just haven’t found my niche yet, i think. i will. maybe this year, maybe next year. who knows? i’m going to try to be happy this year. that’s not so much a new year’s resolution but more of a hopeful wish. maybe i should start with actual happy facts.

i’m going to turn 21 this year.
i’m taking classes this year.
i’m working at disney this year.

and then move on to my dreams and wishes where

i will move out this year (to florida? to california?)
i will work at universal this year (in entertainment?)
i will visit disneyland and attend comic con and visit great friends in scotland and texas
i will make enough money at my jobs that i will be able to buy five great dresses
i will not lose any expensive electronic devices
i will not let anyone take financial or emotional advantage of me

i don’t know if all or any of these will come true but i really hope so! i’m going to end this entry with this really great quote from the curious case of benjamin button. i listen to it when i’m feeling stagnant and sad and it always cheers me up. from me to you, happy new year.