Monday, November 26, 2012

sad



ON BEING A SHITTY SAD SELFISH TWENTY-YEAR-OLD by alea shurmantine

1.
Your roommate comes home to find you
in the kitchen, in old sweatpants and a lace bra,
heating soup on the stove. You wonder

what she thinks of your stomach, its pillowy folds, if
it isn’t a little obscene, how it grows softer every day
while you stand there, tearing chunks off of a baguette,

barely chewing, constantly swallowing.

2.
Your friend invites you over for a movie. Cancel because your
feet hurt. Cancel because your fat stomach hurts. Cancel
because he thinks you’re beautiful and you know you aren’t.

3.
Consider writing the boy you love another letter
to tell him you are sad that he ignored your first letter.
Wonder when you stopped worrying about being

a “crazy girl.” Acknowledge that becoming one
feels natural, like tugging at ivy until it’s uprooted, like
holding the vine and watching soil fall from the roots,

back to more soil, gently.

4.
Fear every man who looks at you.
Hate every man who doesn’t look at you.

5.
The train whistle you hear every night
sounds like the cawing of an angry crow.
This is not the mournful song everyone

writes about, not the lone bassoon stretching
its neck into the night—this is something harsh,
dogged: blaring sandpaper, a smoke alarm.

6.
Think about getting hit by a car almost every day.
Resent that you can’t think of anything more creative
or less passive.

7.
But that boy. You have spent most of a year unraveling
your skin for him, draping strands of it places
you thought he’d notice, your teeth always chattering

like crude drums calling him to battle across the room,
across three states, across your bed. The woman he loves
is a magnet. You don’t know what you are, but you suspect

it is something less permanent, something
more likely to dissolve in water.

8.
Eat the whole baguette. Lay in bed
sweating. Don’t call anyone back. There’s
that train whistle again: furious, obscene.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

it's fall and i'm falling

i've spent a lot of time lately trying to figure out what my "style" is. i feel like my style has really devolved since i moved here...i think it's because i usually only have one or two days off, so those are the only days i really get dressed. if i work before four pm, i just laze around in my sweatpants (yes, friends, i own sweatpants) until i change into my s t u n n i n g costume. but here are some of my favorites from the days when i can actually pull myself out of bed and into my closet:








 xx

Saturday, November 3, 2012

where have you been?

for a while i was not about blogging, but i think i want to start it back up again. i initially only started my blog to make sure i didn't forget anything in my college write-ups, but now i'll just be blogging for myself, so i think it will be more enjoyable for me. so what have i been up to? everything!

in june, my little brother graduated high school and i flew home to surprise him. my brother and i haven't really gotten along in the past few years, but i think he was sufficiently excited anyway. conveniently, most of my family was there, so i got to see all of them in one go!





in july, my disney prince/ss came to see me! we went to two character breakfasts and rode every ride and, honestly, took several naps.



 

my two favorite piglets
after tristan left, i celebrated my birthday a month early because my two best friends from the program, my roommate divinity and my friend gerardo, were both leaving the program and i extended until december. my friend adam was going to have family visiting in august so he came too. we went to epcot and i saw my family (the manatees, of course) and walked around the world. and then we ate chicken tacos, of course.




we had a gradution event at chatham, and i met goofy in his robes. he liked my shoes.


 and then it was time for my actual birthday! we got up at the crack of dawn to ride toy story mania and then do exactly the same things i did on my fake birthday, but for my real one, and with different people! the most magical part of my day was probably my new york friends chato and julia driving from julia's school in georgia to hang out for my b-day. it was a little slice of home (an apple slice in the big orange. the big apple in the big orange. do they even call florida "the big orange?" whatever you saw what i was trying to do there). we ended the night at outback steakhouse, my favorite place to overpay for macaroni and cheese.










i ended up with two of these because i received one as a gift. double norse power!




this duffy has "happy birthday" written all over him in different languages.
the next chatham event i graced with my presence was the brave themed one. i wore my new merida wig and met my favorite friend, and of course i saw my father in law, goofy. my friend danielle came along with me because she is the best.




goofy tells good jokes



the rest of september and october were filled with me either anticipating or attending a halloween party. as i showed you in my previous post, i went to three, which is irresponsible and expensive, but who cares! i also met my kindred spirit, max. he is a """rare""" character so i never thought i would!


 

 



there are a lot of emotion in these photos. danielle will verify that as soon as i saw max's little tuft of hair, i basically started pushing children to get near him. i'm pretty sure we're caught up now, so i'm going to finally stop editing this massive post. bye!